Reasons why people come to counselling: Recap


…and welcome back to my blog.

Before signing off on my series of reasons why people come to counselling I wanted to do a brief recap of everything that’s been covered, just in case you missed anything.

Feelings of Isolation and Loneliness

We are social beings – this means we all need social interaction and relationships in order to live healthy and fulfilling lives.

Feelings of isolation and loneliness can occur when we believe there is a gap between our desired social contact/intimacy and what we actually have, or to the perceived quality of our relationship(s).

This can result in feeling like an outcast, and thus finding it difficult to build and maintain meaningful relationships, as well as impacting our overall wellbeing.

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We can all experience stress in our daily lives, it is normal and to be expected. Sometimes it can motivate us to be learn and grow, but sometimes it can be distressing and overwhelming.

Stress is defined as any uncomfortable emotional experience, in which ultimately we feel threatened. When this becomes prolonged it can impact us physically, psychologically and behaviorally.

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Our need to connect, and therefore to make relationships in order to bond, is innate. Relationships represent what it means to be human, however they cannot survive on their own, they need the nurturing of two people.

When relationships fail they can cause us significant pain and distress. This not only affects how individuals view themselves, but can effect their existing relationships with others as well as their ability to create new relationships.

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Depression is more than just being unhappy, it’s about feeling persistently sad and in a low mood for an extended period, which effects functioning in daily life including work, relationships and interests.

It will affect individuals behaviourally, psychologically as well as physically, with some being aware of what has triggered their depression, while others may not.

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Feeling anxious is a normal part of daily life as it alerts us to dangers as well as helping us to be more productive.

Sometimes however, anxiety can become constant, overwhelming and out of proportion, which effects the sufferers daily life, potentially to a debilitating degree. Anxiety may have been triggered by a traumatic event, past experiences or sometimes there is no known reason.

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Difficult Emotions

Emotions, both the pleasant and the unpleasant, are part and parcel of everyday life. They demonstrate how we feel about experiences, people, situations as well as ourselves.

At times we will experience difficult emotions which will be distressing, painful and overwhelming. Society however tells us that feeling such emotions is not desirable, and individuals may feel the need to be happy all the time, which can cause further distress when they feel that this is simply not possible.

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Difficult Life Events

Life has a habit of forcing us to experience, expected or unexpected, life events. When these life events are difficult they can cause pain and distress. They may even disrupt our lives in unforeseen ways, causing further worry and anguish, where individuals feel unable to cope and can become isolated from loved ones.

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Difficult Health Conditions

At some point in our lives we will all experience a difficult health condition, whether it be chicken pox or the flu to something more chronic or possibly even terminal.

Suffering from a difficult health condition, or caring for someone with a difficult health condition, can significantly impact a persons daily life as a result of restrictions from enforced inactivity to confinement to house or even the bed. Whether the condition be physical or emotional such restrictions can result in further emotional vulnerability.

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The above is by no means an extensive list of reasons why you or anyone may wish to come to counselling. It is also simply a recap of my recent series of ‘Reasons why people come to counselling’, so if anything has stood out, or if you want more information please click the link below the relevant topic which will take you to the individual blog.

My hope was to capture a variety of experiences, feelings and/or situations which may prompt someone to seek help. None of these reasons are by any means a sign of weakness, in fact they are all a sign of being human, it’s just sometimes we may not quite have the resources to sort it out ourselves.

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be kind | embrace growth | nurture relationships


Reasons why people come to counselling – Relationships


…and welcome back to my blog.

In continuation of this series of reasons why people come to counselling today we’ll be looking at relationships.

The definition of a relationship is the way in which two or more people are connected.

Our need for connection is innate, we are born with it. Therefore, relationships are extremely important – in which the bond created is more than the sum of its parts.

Simply, they represent what it means to be human.

Whilst the need is innate, the ability to create successful, healthy and loving relationships is learnt – from the moment we are placed into our mothers arms.

When talking about relationships most people concentrate on romantic, but it is important to be aware that we have relationships with all the people in our lives from family and friends, to work colleagues, neighbours and acquaintances. We can experience breakdown of any of these relationships – therefore it is key to nurture them all.  Relationships cannot survive on their own, they need the care and nurturing of two people to create and sustain a connection.

What happens when relationships fail?

It can be a great source of pain, hurt, discomfort, distress, anxiety and sorrow to name but a few. This can make individuals feel:

  • Isolated and alone
  • Distrustful of others
  • Unworthy
  • Unlovable
  • Loss of self
  • Sad
  • Anxious
  • Depressed

Why do relationships fail? It could be for a number of reasons including but not limited to:

  • Insecurities and low self-esteem
  • Lack of trust
  • Communication issues
  • Compatibility concerns
  • Different expectations
  • Unmet needs
  • Fear of vulnerability
  • Health issues/concerns
  • Money issues
  • Infidelity
  • Narcissism
  • Domestic Abuse

We all have old patterns of relating, arising from our past relationships, which may even stem as far back as childhood, that can get repeated and impact our life, as well as our present or future relationships. These patterns may even result in some individuals finding it difficult to form relationships in the first instance.

As social beings we thrive in relationships. Therefore, we can experience great anguish when they fail, especially if we may not understand the deep underlying reasons why. Counselling can help to bring these reasons into awareness, explore old patterns of relating, learn how to make a new relationship, whilst being able to talk honestly about issues without fear of judgment

Please like, comment, share and follow, and until next time:

be kind | embrace growth | nurture relationships